{"id":901,"date":"2017-08-13T15:00:16","date_gmt":"2017-08-13T14:00:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/psychictoday.uk\/blog\/?p=901"},"modified":"2017-08-13T15:14:02","modified_gmt":"2017-08-13T14:14:02","slug":"trust-trusting-past-hurt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/psychictoday.com\/blog\/2017\/08\/13\/trust-trusting-past-hurt\/","title":{"rendered":"Trust; Can you ever trust again?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Can You Ever Trust Again? <\/strong><\/h1>\n

Here Are Some Surprising Ways to Succeed<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0By Lee Van Zyl<\/strong><\/p>\n

From personal experience, I know and understand how terribly hard it is to move on from a broken heart. I know what it feels like to spend weeks and weeks going over and over the ending. Not finding the answers. But, eventually there comes a time when you must accept what is, and try to move on.<\/p>\n

But what remains is the fear. The fear that if you fully surrender your heart once more, it could happen again. Fear is understandable. But the deeper implication is what that fear does. It alters your ability to trust another with the deepest and most precious part of yourself.<\/p>\n

Many clients I have worked with through the years often describe the inability to trust easily again as \u201ca feeling of being stuck\u201d. Having had a several bad relationships, it leads to a feeling of being emotionally empty.<\/p>\n

Would you believe that it\u2019s such a common reaction, that it even has its own title \u2013 pisanthrophobia. <\/em>\u00a0This is defined as \u201cThe very common fear of trusting people due to past experiences with bad relationships\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Once Bitten, Twice Shy!<\/h2>\n

We are left thinking \u201cWho can I really trust?\u201d and \u201cHow will I really know if I can trust them?\u201d Very valid points because \u201cOnce bitten, twice shy\u201d right?<\/p>\n

To begin with, the process of rebuilding confidence starts within yourself. It requires a very grounded, stable and common-sense approach to the future. You can\u2019t paint all men or all women with the same brush. And just because you had this bad experience, doesn\u2019t mean that all future experiences will be the same.<\/p>\n

We all understand that trust is a vital ingredient to building our relationships. And that we all hold back giving our trust to some-one until we really feel safe. Our lover has to \u201cearn our trust\u201d so we can relax and open-up.<\/p>\n

But in life and love there are no guarantees (We are way too complicated for that!). By asking some-one to earn our trust we are asking them not to make any mistakes. Not to make us feel uncomfortable or hurt us in any way. This is an impossible task. Because people are not perfect AND don\u2019t come with guarantees. We all make mistakes.<\/p>\n

In true relationships, we will all experience disappointment, anger, hurt, fear and doubt at some time or another. Not because they are untrustworthy people. But simply because we\u2019re human. And sometimes you will feel hurt by those you love.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Breach of Trust?<\/h2>\n

To trust some-one is a conscious decision that we all make knowing there are no guarantees.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s important to know that trust is not about finding the \u201cperfect, trustworthy person\u201d. But real trust is about working through any and all challenges when they arise.<\/p>\n

If we approach the future with this understanding, we shift our focus away from trying to AVOID being hurt (which is impossible). To BELIEVING we can move through obstacles that come our way. An empowering feeling \u2013 as we move away from being fearful to a little more trusting.<\/p>\n

If we hold on to past hurt and distrust of others, we are only hurting ourselves.<\/p>\n

We all have a very long list of reasons not to trust! But building a wall around our emotions and blocking ourselves off from each other, simply makes the problem worse. This does not keep us safe, but it certainly keeps us lonely!<\/p>\n

Trust must come from trusting yourself first and foremost. It provides the confidence to know that you can deal with mistakes other people make easily and calmly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Some Things to Remember……<\/h2>\n

Here are a few things to remember when falling in love again.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t assume that the future will be the same as the past.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Do not believe that your new lover will inevitably hurt you. You are making a judgement that is unfounded and misguided. How can you blame some-one for something they haven\u2019t done yet? It\u2019s not fair on you or them. Be open-minded and give the new relationship a good chance to develop.<\/p>\n

Learn from the past. What were the warning signs that your ex was untrustworthy?<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Did they say one thing and do another? Did they manipulate, lie, or behave in an unpredictable manner? Or, did your ex change the way they texted or communicated on the phone? Look back honestly and identify the warning signs. You know what you want now. Because you have learned what you don\u2019t want in a person. You have learned to identify characteristics in those who are not to be trusted. And because of this you can be confident in choosing the right person this time around. Some-one who will build your confidence.<\/p>\n

Learn from the past. What could you have done differently?<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Did you notice any worrying behaviour in your ex? Were they coming home at odd hours? Paying too much attention to their phone? Receiving messages that they tried to hide? Dressing and behaving differently? Unwilling to talk or be intimate as before? These are all warning signs. It\u2019s important to follow your instincts. Your gut-feeling told you something was very wrong. Trust your instincts in future. Before you can trust another. You must also trust yourself.<\/p>\n

Give yourself time to heal.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

There no point going into a rebound relationship. Take time to settle your feelings and emotions. Avoid going round and round on the heart-break merry-go-round. Take an honest objective look at the warning signs from the past. What the ex was doing. And what you did or didn\u2019t do to address the issues. Accept the facts and forgive. Build your confidence in your own judgement. And in no time at all you will be ready to start afresh.<\/p>\n

The best revenge is living well and happily.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

It\u2019s natural to put up all kinds of barriers once deeply hurt. But all this does is keep you lonely. The best way to move forward is to believe you deserve to live well and very happily. To be considered and careful in your future choice of partner. To accept that we are human and will make mistakes. And also, to promise yourself to address issues when they arise. Be willing to communicate your hopes and fears honestly. But above all, to love, live and embrace your life and relationship with hope and joy in your heart.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Till Next Time,<\/p>\n

Love Lee VZ xxx<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The wonderful and caring Lee van Zyl offers sound and uplifting guidance in a reading with you. She has many years’ experience giving intuitive insight on all kinds of love readings. Speak with her directly for your positive guidance here;\u00a0https:\/\/psychictoday.uk\/reader\/8738\/lee-van-zyl1<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Can You Ever Trust Again? Here Are Some Surprising Ways to Succeed \u00a0By Lee Van Zyl From personal experience, I know and understand how terribly hard it is to move on from a broken heart. I know what it feels like to spend weeks and weeks going over and over the ending. Not finding the…<\/p>\n

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