BAD MOTHERS; WILL YOU BE A BAD MOTHER TOO?
Relationships these days. They are so complicated aren’t they? But at least you would expect a happy relationship with your own mother, right? A simple and happy childhood; a joyful upbringing with a loving mum? Support all the way through your life in every circumstance, from the women that bought you into this world?
Unfortunately, more and more children, especially women, complain that their mothers have been BAD MOTHERS. Some of us say that they had a miserable childhood because of this. And that they still carry baggage from their experience. Some of us have never managed to cement the relationship that they want with their mum. And others among us have fallen out with the mothers through some incident in their later life.
SO, WHAT IS A BAD MOTHER?
We are what we are. But some people just don’t try. Some others do try. but fail and then got lost in a haze of uncertainty and worry.
I am not going to discuss here the obvious bad mothers, those with medical or psychological disorders, addictions etc. Although the effects of having these types of bad mums can also leave a similar mark to those who have mums, but without these kinds of problems.
In short, a bad mother can be someone who abuses their status as a parent, someone who prefers leading their own life and “fits their child into it” (or not), whenever they feel like it. At other times the child is left alone, with a friend or relative while the mother gets on with her own thing.
Bad mothers can also be women that are simply not good with children. They might be perfectly good at running the rest of their life, but they just don’t know how to cope with a child.
They could also be someone who appears to not want their child and the child gets the blame simply for being there. A lack of patience, screaming at a child for the smallest thing.
A bad mother is someone who wants their child to leave as soon as possible and then criticises their way of life.
Another type of bad mother is someone who doesn’t give the needed emotional support to their child when they need it the most. This can be early in life or at any stage later on. We can feel let down and lost.
The list of bad mothers is pretty endless. Please do feel free to tell us what you think a bad mum is!
WHY DO MOTHERS BECOME BAD?
Some bad mothers had a hard childhood themselves. They find the responsibility of having their own child hard to deal with. Because they never knew love, stability and emotional support themselves, they find it hard to provide this to their own child as well. Often as this kind of mum, you simply do not know HOW to be a good mother.
Some mums can simply start off on the wrong footing. One example is where as a woman, you fall in love with a guy. But the guy isn’t in a hurry to commit. You think “if I have a child, maybe this guy will settle down,” “maybe if we have a child together, things will sort themselves out.” Or even, “if we have a child, he will stop partying and commit”.
In many cases, especially for young guys, this is not going to work. The end result is that the child is born, but that the couple split up. This can leave the mother not only in a situation that she did not predict, but is the exact opposite of what she hoped for. Then she can find it very hard to deal with the child on her own. Sometimes this child will remind her of her error of judgement also. This is of course, not the child’s fault. The mother simply finds herself in a ”stuck” situation and it can be hard to make progress.
These days, couples split and new relationships are formed very easily. A child can often question their mother’s choice of next partner, especially if the partner is not interested in the child, or sees the child as being in the way.
THE PROBLEM IS BALANCE
In other cases, the grind of our daily lives just make it hard for us to keep a balance. Get up, make breakfast, travel to work, work, travel back, do the shopping, do the dinner, tidy up, go to bed, do it every day of your life. At weekends, you have more cleaning and can be so tired there is no time for sport, hobbies or pleasurable activities. You are tired, you are constantly worried about something. Having a child on top of this that just says the wrong thing at the wrong time can result in snappy behaviour. That is, if you are one of those people who finds it hard to cope or has no patience.
Another incident is frequently with young mothers, who have their children young. By the end of their twenties or during their thirties, they suddenly feel like they have “missed out” on their own life. It is then they suddenly start going out clubbing, or building a social life, leaving their child confused and feeling abandoned.
In most cases the main issue is one of balance. Being a mother is a great responsibility. And many of us simply do not cope well with all the responsibilities of life. We do not keep a good balance. This can be hard without a child, but when one or more children are present, the extra work that is needed for good parenthood can stretch people beyond their patience or ability.
We all have needs. We must always find a way to find the balance between work and relaxation, responsibility and fun, family and children and career, duty and ego. Most bad mothers simply have an imbalance and do not know or cannot find the route to balance and happiness.
WHAT CAN YOU DO IF YOU HAVE A BAD MUM
If you have an imbalance, the only person who can sort this out is YOU. Some people thrive on the “woe is me” way of living. These kinds of people often will not accept that anything can be better or that anything can change. When people are stuck in their ways and do not want to change, you cannot make them do it. All you can do is help if they ask for it. Or prehaps to make a positive suggestion if you see an opening. Or simply, to lead by example.
Realise also that having a bad mum doesn’t force you to be unhappy with your own life. Happiness and positivity are our choices and there is always a way to happiness, to leaving the past behind and to making a new beginning.
Taking the steps to implementing this in your own life should be your priority, as is achieving balance. If you have children, understanding the mistakes your own mother made, recognising them and having the will to give a better balance to your own life and to your child, is the first step.
Removing the blockages of your past can be achieved simply by recognition, acceptance and the will to move forwards positively.
Progress can be made step by step with the smallest of things; words of love, trying to be patient, taking the time to rest, achieving a good day. And with each step, the next can follow, until you are walking to a brighter future.
Your Own path…..
If you would like further insight on guidance on your positive progress, emotional healing of the past and to look at how you can move forwards positively, Psychic Today offers you a great array of positive and uplifting readers, all ready to guide you on your life path. Take a look here; https://psychictoday.uk/readers/life-coaching