Is there a hidden agenda behind being nice?
I made observations and had initial experiences on this subject many years ago. Some more recent events made me re-investigate. Why do some individuals appear to be ‘too nice?’ Certain experiences have been catalysts for me. These have driven me to analyse what I feel could be termed as a problem area. Sometimes I feel this can even extend to being a borderline personality disorder. This is where the “ nice person,” is in fact doing themselves some damage.
Firstly, I conclude that the ‘too nice’ individual often needs some kind of pay-off. This is in order to fulfil a need within themselves. As a consequence of that process, they can draw energy in from the unassuming.
Are you paying with your energy?
Let us look at the unassuming person who, in my case-studies, are clients of mine. They may well be similar to many of you reading this. You are ‘psychic-sponges.’ Soaking up information, emotions and energies from others. Many of you may not realise the volume of invisible information you absorb through your aura. This occurs even in your general day to day dealings with people. So, when there’s a specific agenda ie; a person being nice and needing a pay-off from you, they need you to make them feel better. They need energy from you. This is the case, especially if their ‘niceness’ is driven by an underlying, possibly even dishonest agenda.
This agenda-energy exchange can create an imbalance. It can even create blocks with you, the unassuming person. Recognising this, setting boundaries, clearing energy, and spiritual protection is a way forward. But that’s a different article!
The apologetic Nice Person
The second experience that urged me to look closer, came through my involvement with someone who answered the phone. You would think they would have said, “Hi there Sky, how are you?” Instead, every time they would profusely apologise. Their responses would be variations of the following; “Oh so sorry Sky, I was tidying up, so sorry about that.” “ Oh sorry I was so long answering.” And sometimes no excuse was given, just a sorry. Weird right? I’d fall silent at this point in a clueless state! My eyebrows were knitted and mouth open. My immediate thought and reaction was, ‘what are you sorry for?’
I later chatted with mutually associated people. I was told that they also felt awkward in response to this person’s overzealous ‘niceness.’ So I decided to adorn my ‘psychic hat.’ I decided to look deeper into this “too nice” style of personality.’ The results were astounding, varied and mind-boggling!
The possible motives behind the “Too Nice” types
Now your experiences may not be as crazy as mine. Or they may even be worse. But in my opinion, there are always motives behind the ‘too nice’ personality. They fall in to two key areas. Firstly the individual that is a “genuine over-giver.” The other is an ‘agenda-filled pretender.’ This type is silently voicing; ‘I’m a really nice person, I want you to really like me.’
I believe that actually both types have an agenda. Even if they’re ignorant to their own behaviour, both are blinded by the pay-off they need. This is something they wish to gain from you in some way. Finally, both these personality types have great insecurity. They may have a lack of confidence. They may have a desire to be liked. Perhaps it is their personal intentional agenda. In some cases this may even be vindictive.
Reading psychological studies, I learned that people who are ‘too nice’ generally find themselves being quietly avoided. They may be bypassed, and even disliked. This can be especially by those personalities who are secure, strong and positive. Studies also reveal that people distrust or become suspicious when they face these types. Their response can be a variation of ‘what’s the reason for your niceness? Or like me, ‘oh come on, what do you really want?’
Being too nice can have the opposite effect….
I had realisations concerning the story I mentioned above. Apologising at the onset of each call, in a dysfunctional peculiar way. This person is trying to please me! The intention is to gain my favour. And for their personal agenda to be fulfilled. In actual fact, the response usually is quite the opposite of what they hope for.
An important reason of why we need to check where we stand on this matter, is because studies show some rather unfortunate findings. People who are ‘too nice’ tend to easily attract those who are undesirable. Insincere people, liars, emotional abusers and the dishonest. I feel the reason for this is because the spiritual message being sent out is, ‘I’m not setting the correct boundaries. I just want you to like me.’ Another one is, ‘You can cross my boundaries because I need to feel better. I’ll feel great if you like me.’
Additionally to this, I’m sure you’ve heard of the following; “what you send out, comes back.” These personality types consequently attract people who will invade spiritual boundaries. This is because that’s what the individual that’s ‘too nice’ is requesting through their energy.
There is nice and then there is too nice….
Ellen DeGeneres closes her shows with the words ‘be kind to one another.’ I agree. There needs to be more respect out there in the world. There needs to be more care and kindness. I’m not saying that being ‘nice’ is totally weird.’ I’m highlighting the expanse of differences between two types of personalities. One that’s positive; being nice through giving respect to the boundaries of others. This earns being respected in return. In comparison, there is the second type of personality that is ‘being nice unnecessarily.’ This one is due to having an agenda.
I feel it’s important for us all to understand which area we fall into. I’m sure you want a positive spiritual well-being and a happier you.
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